I got some news yesterday.
I'm now 6 months time accrued on fully active status for both the kidney & pancreas transplant lists. Shit has gotten real. Really real.
This came 3 weeks after hearing that my sister was in CCU. She died of renal failure the next day. None of us knew just how sick she was. She hid it. From everyone. Quite possibly even herself. She was like that, you know. Elaine was the giving, generous one. The one who never had a problem that she couldn't set aside to hear your problems, and often have a great solution for them. She learned early to gracefully put aside her own needs to wait on the wants of others.
FUCK
THAT
NOISE
I am not going that route. I'm not giving in gracefully to jack or shit. I've got way too much fight in me to got hat way. I'm also entirely too selfish to do that, and I am SO fucking okay with that. That level of selflessness is ultimately fatal. Sometimes, it pays to be the selfish bitch in the family, I guess.
I've got a lot to do to get ready for that phone call when it comes - which is literally any minute now. I've got to make certain my proverbial end-of-life ducks are in a row - just in case. I've never promised my kidlet that I won't die, just that I'd do my best to be tidy about the process. Well, time to start seeing to that shit. I've got arrangements to make and papers to gather and letters to write & shit. Internal work too. Lots of shit from the past to shovel.
You know. . .stuff.
My to do list just got mildly busier, and my immediate future plans have been put on hold. I need to stay close to home, and ready to go. I've got to GET ready.
I've also got to start planning for afterward. I refuse - I FUCKING REFUSE - to go into this surgery without a plan for what I'm doing with my life afterward. Not everyone gets a second chance. I've got one. I'm not wasting it. That's why the internal shit is in process now. I'm not letting my past get in my way ever again - not if I can help it; and I can.
So, I've got stuff to do, and I'm just getting started. I'm interrupt-able. If you wanna see me, and you aren't within a 45 minute drive, then come see me. I'm gonna be at home for the next little while. If you wanna see me and ARE within that driving distance, let me know! We'll make it work somehow. Just don't me like my idiot sister & put it off "until we feel better". That day may not come for both of us. I'd hate that, yo.
I'm now 6 months time accrued on fully active status for both the kidney & pancreas transplant lists. Shit has gotten real. Really real.
This came 3 weeks after hearing that my sister was in CCU. She died of renal failure the next day. None of us knew just how sick she was. She hid it. From everyone. Quite possibly even herself. She was like that, you know. Elaine was the giving, generous one. The one who never had a problem that she couldn't set aside to hear your problems, and often have a great solution for them. She learned early to gracefully put aside her own needs to wait on the wants of others.
FUCK
THAT
NOISE
I am not going that route. I'm not giving in gracefully to jack or shit. I've got way too much fight in me to got hat way. I'm also entirely too selfish to do that, and I am SO fucking okay with that. That level of selflessness is ultimately fatal. Sometimes, it pays to be the selfish bitch in the family, I guess.
I've got a lot to do to get ready for that phone call when it comes - which is literally any minute now. I've got to make certain my proverbial end-of-life ducks are in a row - just in case. I've never promised my kidlet that I won't die, just that I'd do my best to be tidy about the process. Well, time to start seeing to that shit. I've got arrangements to make and papers to gather and letters to write & shit. Internal work too. Lots of shit from the past to shovel.
You know. . .stuff.
My to do list just got mildly busier, and my immediate future plans have been put on hold. I need to stay close to home, and ready to go. I've got to GET ready.
I've also got to start planning for afterward. I refuse - I FUCKING REFUSE - to go into this surgery without a plan for what I'm doing with my life afterward. Not everyone gets a second chance. I've got one. I'm not wasting it. That's why the internal shit is in process now. I'm not letting my past get in my way ever again - not if I can help it; and I can.
So, I've got stuff to do, and I'm just getting started. I'm interrupt-able. If you wanna see me, and you aren't within a 45 minute drive, then come see me. I'm gonna be at home for the next little while. If you wanna see me and ARE within that driving distance, let me know! We'll make it work somehow. Just don't me like my idiot sister & put it off "until we feel better". That day may not come for both of us. I'd hate that, yo.
