Been doing a bit of navel gazing.
Worship is not love.
Nor is it healthy.
Lastly it is not Feminism.
Also, Open Polyamory and Monogamy really don't mix well.
A friend of my recently broke up with a beau. He was monogamous and was seeing poly in action for the first time, she is not and very set on not being monogamous. He loved her, he adored her, he worshiped the ground she trod - and he treated her like a rare and precious jewel.
Let's just contemplate that a moment ladies.
She was an object to him. She was a prize to be won from her other lovers. He didn't discuss his problems with her poly with her, he discussed them with her friends in the guise of being concerned for her safety. He didn't accept her word for the way her poly was structured, but deceived her to get contact info for another lover (said he wanted to be "friends") and tried to intimidate that person away from "his girl". He claimed to be her "primary" when she'd not given him that title. He claimed to be a feminist, but did not acknowledge her personhood.
These are not the actions of love. These are the actions of insecurity and fear. He paid for that: she dumped him, as she should.
I absolutely abhor that whole "I worship you!" bs that floats around the topic of love. Listen up, younglings (or those who have heretofore not learned this): Worship is NOT love. Love requires far more than worship. Love requires trust and acceptance on a level that many fail to achieve (self-included). Love requires trust. Love demands acknowledgement of the other being's personhood. If that isn't there, then it isn't love, it is obsession.
That's just NOT healthy.
This story took a happy ending. She dumped him, and walked away with her head held high.
I'm of the opinion that Polyamory and Monogamy just do not mix. There is no magic vinegar out there that makes it all happy relationship dressing. Every time I've personally encountered a situation in which a poly tried to date a mono, BADNESS ensued. Hearts got broken. I personally think it is because the monogamous person simply isn't wired to allow that poly person to be him/herself really. They "love" that person when it is just the two of them, but cannot accept that person's nature. That isn't love. At least it isn't the kind of love that can last through "Dirty socks, compromise, and rent to pay".
Cross-section by SJ Tucker.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXYPPqAEwfU
Worship is not love.
Nor is it healthy.
Lastly it is not Feminism.
Also, Open Polyamory and Monogamy really don't mix well.
A friend of my recently broke up with a beau. He was monogamous and was seeing poly in action for the first time, she is not and very set on not being monogamous. He loved her, he adored her, he worshiped the ground she trod - and he treated her like a rare and precious jewel.
Let's just contemplate that a moment ladies.
She was an object to him. She was a prize to be won from her other lovers. He didn't discuss his problems with her poly with her, he discussed them with her friends in the guise of being concerned for her safety. He didn't accept her word for the way her poly was structured, but deceived her to get contact info for another lover (said he wanted to be "friends") and tried to intimidate that person away from "his girl". He claimed to be her "primary" when she'd not given him that title. He claimed to be a feminist, but did not acknowledge her personhood.
These are not the actions of love. These are the actions of insecurity and fear. He paid for that: she dumped him, as she should.
I absolutely abhor that whole "I worship you!" bs that floats around the topic of love. Listen up, younglings (or those who have heretofore not learned this): Worship is NOT love. Love requires far more than worship. Love requires trust and acceptance on a level that many fail to achieve (self-included). Love requires trust. Love demands acknowledgement of the other being's personhood. If that isn't there, then it isn't love, it is obsession.
That's just NOT healthy.
This story took a happy ending. She dumped him, and walked away with her head held high.
I'm of the opinion that Polyamory and Monogamy just do not mix. There is no magic vinegar out there that makes it all happy relationship dressing. Every time I've personally encountered a situation in which a poly tried to date a mono, BADNESS ensued. Hearts got broken. I personally think it is because the monogamous person simply isn't wired to allow that poly person to be him/herself really. They "love" that person when it is just the two of them, but cannot accept that person's nature. That isn't love. At least it isn't the kind of love that can last through "Dirty socks, compromise, and rent to pay".
Cross-section by SJ Tucker.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXYPPqAEwfU
