Brain Tired

I had a good night's sleep. I'm not physically tired. I'm Brain Tired.

I'm at work, and I don't want to DO anything. I don't want to work. I don't want to goof off in the usual ways. I just want to go home ans sit with a cuppa and not think. No reading, no knitting, no doing anything.

A part of me is wondering if this is because I'm finally getting the emotional break I've been wanting. Nick's @ festival. Jan's going to his girlfriend's. Bronnie's - well, Bronnie isn't an emotional burden most of the time anyway, and is able to be placed on hold if necessary.

The drama-pause button has been pushed, and my brain is breathing a sigh of relief, and demanding tea and staring into space.

The ironic part of this is that I'd planned a WHOLE bunch of things to do to keep my mind of the fact that Nick wouldn't be here. And now here I am just wanting to sit and be. I'm still planning to do all the stuff I'd planned, just on the weekend. Not now. Later.

I'm sure by the end of this week, I"ll be missing Nick. About 1/3 of me does right now. But the rest of me is just looking around going "huh. This is what quiet looks like".

So, I think I'm going to go home tonight, make myself something easy, like scrambled eggs, and just sit there with a cup of tea and vegetate.