Farewell, Old Pal

My Gram-Cram died yesterday at 1:30pm.
She died in her sleep at the hospital, after they administered morphine to her for the considerable pain she was in.

Gram was the only rock that held steady when my grandfather was dying of lung cancer, my dad had taken off to god's know where, and my mother had rather thouroughly lost her marbles. She's the one who taught me how to pay the bills, write out the checks, and convince my mother to sign them so that we'd still have power and groceries. She taught me most importantly how to keep my spirits up during this. She also held my hand through the pangs of algebra that were plaguing me at this time!

She taught me that a pregnancy at 18 isn't the end of the world. Quite the contrary, she taught me that it happens all the time, and even in our oh-so-saintly (NOT) family. She also taught me to find joy in the experience, and to listen to my body and instincts as a mother-to-be. She taught me that whatever I could have been isn't nearly as important as what I am at any moment and what I plan to become. She also taught me that no matter what my plans are, sometimes shit happens, and that's cool too.

She taught me that poverty, the death of loved ones, and various other personal tragedies were not the end of the world. Giving up is the end of the world. Cuz if you give up there's nothing left to do.

She taught me that tea and a good hot stew can fix damn near any problem in the world. (Grandpa was head of the duct-tape dept., but that's another blog!) Add dumplings in case of emergency.

She taught me how to make the best egg & cheeses in the world.

She taught me that coffee can keep you going when all you want to do is put your head down and cry from exhaustion.

She taught me how to be a good partner, and a good mother.

She taught me that no matter how much you love a child, its going to grow the way it wants to after a certain point. That's the mystery of motherhood. Kind of a grab bag sorta deal. What you do as mother doesn't matter nearly as much as accepting what that child does as an adult. On that note, she taught me to not offer unsolicited opinons to my child about her life-choices, unless she's in serious mortal danger, and even then approach this territory with EXTREME caution.

She taught me that no difference is worth losing contact with your loved ones over. Not really.

She taught me that any illness will be made better with chicken soup, squooshy toilet paper, and clean sheets.

She taught me that in the end, no one remembers lifes embarrassments. They remember the good stuff, the fun stuff, and the sad stuff. No one ever remembers you walking out with your skirt in your panty-hose--except you!

She taught me how to accept life gracefully. At least in public.

She taught me that its okay to be different, as long as I respect that everyone else is different too. ("All are mad, save me and thee, and even thou ar't a little odd")

She taught me that everyone's opinion matters, if only to them, and not to belittle people for their opnions, even if I think they are full of shit.

She taught me how to be strong.

She taught me how to think for my self, and more importantly, how to stand up for my reasoning. She taught me how to figure out what I believe, and then how to go about living that in a way that doesn't annoy the shit out of everyone else around me.

She taught me how to live.

So, Shirl, make the mark, and when I get there, someday, I'll erase it! Say hi to Grandpa & Ma when you see them.