So, I've hit a bit of a mental brick wall.
I've been going through the checklist of things I'm going to have to do in order to get considered for a kidney transplant. Most of it is normal are you otherwise healthy sorta crap.
And then I got to the essay portion.
It seems I'm going to have to write an essay explaining to a panel of strangers whom I will likely never meet that I deserve a kidney. I have to convince these people that my life is more worth saving thaan another beings.
FULL MOTHER FUCKING PANICKED STOP.
Not seriously kidding here. I've been hovering on the edge of a panic attack for a couple of days now. How in the hell am I supposed to do this? By my own logic, I DON'T actually deserve a kidney more than another being. Quite honestly, and looking as objectively as possible, I'd be last on the list. (Okay, maybe I'd be ahead of the drunk asshat that beats his wife.) I'm in my mid forties. My daughter is grown and has her own life and is self-sufficient. I'm not the main support of my family. My future is shorter than a child's might be, and certainly more set.
And on the other - rather selfish - side of the coin. . .
I haven't woven linen yet..
I've never seen any lands that did not touch the Atlantic ocean (save pictures).
I've not yet seen my daughter truly settled, and I still worry.
I haven't been with my loves long enough (as if there is such a thing).
This list goes on, and I won't bore you with the details. On the cosmic scheme of life, they seem pretty petty and small. (But then I am a rather small creature). So, how do I go about convincing total strangers that I am worthy of the gift of a dead man's leftovers, when I can't really convince myself?
Like I said FULL MOTHER FUCKING PANICKED STOP.
I've been going through the checklist of things I'm going to have to do in order to get considered for a kidney transplant. Most of it is normal are you otherwise healthy sorta crap.
And then I got to the essay portion.
It seems I'm going to have to write an essay explaining to a panel of strangers whom I will likely never meet that I deserve a kidney. I have to convince these people that my life is more worth saving thaan another beings.
FULL MOTHER FUCKING PANICKED STOP.
Not seriously kidding here. I've been hovering on the edge of a panic attack for a couple of days now. How in the hell am I supposed to do this? By my own logic, I DON'T actually deserve a kidney more than another being. Quite honestly, and looking as objectively as possible, I'd be last on the list. (Okay, maybe I'd be ahead of the drunk asshat that beats his wife.) I'm in my mid forties. My daughter is grown and has her own life and is self-sufficient. I'm not the main support of my family. My future is shorter than a child's might be, and certainly more set.
And on the other - rather selfish - side of the coin. . .
I haven't woven linen yet..
I've never seen any lands that did not touch the Atlantic ocean (save pictures).
I've not yet seen my daughter truly settled, and I still worry.
I haven't been with my loves long enough (as if there is such a thing).
This list goes on, and I won't bore you with the details. On the cosmic scheme of life, they seem pretty petty and small. (But then I am a rather small creature). So, how do I go about convincing total strangers that I am worthy of the gift of a dead man's leftovers, when I can't really convince myself?
Like I said FULL MOTHER FUCKING PANICKED STOP.
