Life Interrupted - Resumed.

19 years ago, this coming December (late-ish) I put my life on hold. I had a very good reason to do so - I was pregnant. I stopped being who and what I was and became a "MOTHER".

I then proceeded to spend 18 years dedicated to the welfare and protection of another being. I poured the best of who and what I was into this small being, and I'm not ashamed to say that I did pretty well. I made mistakes, but I can honestly hold my head up pretty high and tell you that in every moment, I did my absolute best for that moment. No one can ask more than that.

Now, she is grown. She has launched into a new life - her own life. She is apart from me. She is no longer my responsibility. She is her own being now - and a pretty impressive one at that (but I'm a tad biased!). As part of her 18th birthday celebration, I gave her the crystal bottle of her baby teeth that I'd kept on my altar for years as a focus for protective energy.

So, my responsibility is discharged. That was two weeks ago. I didn't really expect to have "empty-nest syndrome", and I haven't. Not really.

Instead, I've reverted to my 18 year old self (thankfully sans angst and hormones on overdrive!). I've spent the past 14 days not doing a whole hell of a lot. I've played video games. I've read stupid fun books that are hardly worth the bytes they occupy on my kindle. I've lounged around, slept little, eaten what and when I felt like it, and generally behaved like an 18 year old. I didn't realize it until quite recently, but I've taken my life off hold, and am surprised to discover that I'm just plain tired. I'm not wanting to go conquer the world. I want to relax, have fun, and just be for a bit. I didn't have that during my childhood or adolescence.

So, I'm going with this, at least for a while. I'm going to do what comes naturally and I'm not going to apologize for not giving a flying fig for anything truly important in the world. I'm going to play. I'm going to play video games, and table top games, and knit and crochet, and sew and generally have fun in whatever manner of my choosing on any given evening. I'm not going to worry about the world at large, or about promotions that I wouldn't get anyway, or any of that grown up crap that causes ulcers and heart-attacks. I just don't care right now.

I'm giving myself about 6 months (max, could be less) to wallow in this mindset. After that , who knows. I'll figure out who and what I want to be then. Right now, I'm just gonna be the kid I couldn't be when I was 18.

::Strolls off humming "I won't grow up" from the Peter Pan soundtrack::