Fairness in Polyamory

Sometimes, life isn't fair. In fact, I'm of the opinion that life is seldom fair, but that we do what we can to keep the illusion of fairness in front of us so we don't notice it.

This last week, I had opened an OKCupid account in order to try to find a friend/FB. Someone to go play with every couple of weeks. I'd 'met' a seemingly nice person, with whom all of our family would have something in common on the surface of it (he was a gamer & herb friendly).I did everything right. I told them what I was doing. I set up a meeting time, and let them know that I was going to meet him. I followed the rules we'd all set down. I played fair.

However, due to circumstances outside my control, and honestly, outside theirs, our life has been chaotic lately. This morning, when I was supposed to send this nice gentleman a message confirming our first meeting cuppa, Bronnie & Nick were telling me that they didn't want me to go do this. Not because I'd done anything wrong. Not for any fair reason at all, but because they weren't ready to face this particular hurdle.

No. It isn't fair, but it was honest. They didn't grudgingly say okay, and then get all passive aggressive later on. They told me how they felt. I respect them for that honesty.

Maybe that nice gentleman will be interested still when life settles down. Maybe not. Maybe I've just dodged a bullet, and maybe I've missed a great opportunity. Either way, I know what I have done. I've honored and respected the wishes of those I love, and also kept my word, and the rules by which we live.

That's more important than a cup of coffee with a stranger in my book.