Life Continuing

I found out Saturday that my aunt has cancer. Definetly in her breasts, possibly in other places as well.

I wasn't surprised.

My aunt, like her father before her, holds bitterness and anger to herself like they are precious jewels. Its the biggest reason that I don't speak to her. Being around that much negativity wll drive me mad. So I don't hang around it.

Its strange. I wasn't shocked, or upset. I feel very little actually. A bit of sympathy, as one would for anyone going though such a horrible thing, but that's it. No more.

A part of me thinks I should feel more. That I should be more upset, or distressed or something.

The rest of me simply logged the information into the family medical history, and moved on with my day.

Nick asked me if I wanted to do anything. If I wanted to contact her. I told him - rather honestly - that if she wanted to talk to me, I'd go. I'd listen, even though if she does, I'm pretty sure that nothing but venom would come out. I would stand silent and hear it for her sake, because I believe that one should do that for someone who is dying. If that is the comfort that she would ask of me, I would give it. Its is what I would do for any sentient being.

For myself, I really don't have much to say to her. What is there to say? Her woundedness at her sister's/ my mother's passing lashed out and caught me in the face. I've forgiven that, because I've since realized what it was. I've taken my life in a direction she would never approve of, and most likely never understand. My life doesn't fit into her frames. But then, I never did fit into her frames. :-/

The funny thing here: My aunt & I are a lot alike in many ways. We're both passionate, opinionated, strong women. Both headstrong to a fault, and both have a reallly hard time admitting when we are wrong. I mean REALLY hard time. (although, in my humble opinon, I'm a scosh better at it than she is). The biggest difference between us is that I've learned not to hoard and nurture my bitterness and anger.

I wish her well. I hope that this is an inconvienience to her, and not a reason to curl up and die.

If anyone can survive this, she can.